


deus nisi haec domus

by alixabethmay



Category: Bandom, Bandom Family, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Star Wars - All Media Types, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bandom - Freeform, Frerard, Gen, I'll add more tags, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phan - Freeform, Ryden, Touring, all of them are real, everyone is friends with everyone - Freeform, excessive use of ™, ok bro so there are literally 0.000 made-up people in this, petekey, we occasionally chose to ignore canon, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6430405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alixabethmay/pseuds/alixabethmay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deus nisi haec domus- God save this house</p><p>A place for all of the headcanons that Rachel and I made about growing up with the bandom family + all of the oneshots that I wrote about some of those headcanons.<br/>Each chapter is its own complete story.<br/>Written in the first person with me as the handy-dandy narrator!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who's Who in the Bandom Family?

Carrie Fisher: Affectionately known as Mama Carrie, she is  _everyone's_ mum. Even for the grownups. She's technically in charge of New Year's, but it ~~usually~~ always gets out of hand. She's in charge of the cooking, mostly because no one else is actually as good at it as she is. (Except maybe Frank, but he gives her her space.) She also has an impressive memory of the full names of every person to set foot in her house, because she will full-name people if she needs to.

Harrison Ford: Sometimes referred to as Papa Harrison, he's less of a dad and more of a grandpa who stopped giving a shit years ago. However, if he really likes you, he will not hesitate to stick up for you. The only thing he seems to be afraid of is Mama Carrie's wrath.

Dan Howell: One half of Phan Parenting™, Dan definitely  _tries_ to act grownup, but he fails 99% of the time. He loves to bake but doesn't always get along with Mama Carrie, so he only really bakes when he won't get in her way.

Phil Lester: As the other half of Phan Parenting™, Phil is usually the one who makes appeals to other members of the household for things like "breakfast for dinner", "a giant aquarium", and "a t-rex skeleton". Other than that, he's usually rather serious and is in charge of getting the little kids of the house into bed.

Andy Hurley: He's that cousin who doesn't really say much but is still Cool™. If you're polite, he'll let you borrow his sunglasses. He also is a giant sucker for dogs and usually spends most of the holidays out in the yard with the dogs, not with the people.

Joe Trohman: Joe is the weed cousin who always has really wild stories and always looks just a little bit lost. He gives great hugs and will let you mess with his hair if you ask nicely. He also has the strange tendency to just  _find cats_. Nobody in the family has worked out exactly where he keeps finding them, but Mama Carrie usually talks him out of keeping them.

Pete Wentz: THE dad. Seriously. He doesn't mind if you act dumb and occasionally break the rules, as long as you did it for a  _really_ good reason. Like pranking someone. If there is something Pete understands, it is pranking people.

Patrick Stump: Patrick didn't actually start as part of the family, but he's Pete's old friend that would always drop by, and eventually he started spending so much time around the house that he was sort of absorbed into the family. He's evolved into pretty much being your second dad, but he is _completely_ the one who, after pulling some Grade-A bullshit, will stop and say, "Wait, shit, I'm an adult now or something- never mind, please don't ever tell your father about that." Strangely enough, he's also surprisingly patient with kids and totally willing to sing and tell stories before putting them to bed. Similarly, his first concern during any celebration is making sure none of the kids get hurt.

Halsey: She's the stepsister who moved out before you ever met her, and it's probably better that way. She totally _seemed_ intimidating, but she's actually really nice and will let you pick out the colour she's going to dye her hair or paint her nails next. She gets along well with Andy because of how much society stereotypes both of them (Andy for being a quiet burly guy with tattoos and Hals for having short hair and tattoos and not being willing to take anybody's shit) and how much they both care about you. Both of them definitely treat you far more like a grownup than a kid, and neither of them will hold out on you.

Gerard Way: He started off as that weird family member that was pretty much always seen with Frank and always told really cool war stories about his youth, but after a few months of that, Harrison told him "you need a real sleep schedule, you idiot, you're starting to look like a goddamn raccoon". And so Gee moved in. He's got an art room up in the attic that he likes to paint in.

Frank Iero: Do not try to separate Frank and Gerard. Just a warning. Frank may have seemed quiet at first, but that turns out to be a bit of an illusion. Once he gets used to having the bandom family around, he's far more chatty. He also takes it upon himself to look after the kids when they visit for the holidays. Frank's parents are also really good at cooking. Like, really good. Mr. Iero makes the food, Mrs. Iero gets it all into the house and onto the dining table  _in one trip_.

Mikey Way: Mikey started off a bit like the stray cat of the family: he would drop by and hang out for a while, but then he'd just off and leave without actually telling you when he'd be back. He also never sat on furniture properly, always perched on the armrests of sofas and sitting on the kitchen counter. As with all strays, though, Mikey was eventually brought in, in this case through a combination of Mama Carrie's cooking and Pete Wentz.

Ray Toro: Ray is the only old member of MCR who doesn't actually  _live_ with the bandom family. He always drops in for Thanksgiving and Christmas and you'll usually hang out with him over summer break, but most of the time, he's off doing his own thing. Ray's pretty patient with kids, so he'll usually help Patrick out with taking care of the little monsters.

Tyler Joseph: Tyler is the cousin who you always thought was _way_ younger than he actually is. Everyone is always surprised when they learn that he's married because he doesn't actually seem old enough for that. His wife and Josh are basically 85% of impulse control and without them, he's a fucking 9 year old.

Josh Dun: He's just as bad as Tyler except he's retained 0.00002% more dignity, which somehow seems to be just enough to make  _everyone_ flirt with him at bars as you and Tyler giggle madly in the background.

Brendon Urie: Brendon toes the line between being a dad and an uncle, solely through how many fucks he doesn't give. He has no issue with day drinking, and this is something often appreciated by Mama Carrie (who after really busy days, simply resorts to a bottle of wine and a movie).

Ryan Ross: Ryan's a friend of Brendon's who's in a band that isn't part of the bandom family, but he likes to "just drop by" (which totally means talking to Brendon). He used to always have a wistful sort of expression on his face and never stayed around the house for very long, but he's started staying for dinner and sleeping over. Mama Carrie views this as both a triumph and a loss, because yay, she's convinced another one! But also  _oh god there's another one._

Rachel: Rachel moved in at the very beginning, when it was just Carrie, Harrison, and the members of Fall Out Boy. She's generally pretty chill, as long as you don't fuck up any of her stuff. She's usually the one Patrick enlists to help with the kids because she's infinitely more patient than I am.

Kels: I moved in at the same time as Rachel, way back in the beginning. I'm friendly around the kids but I have zero patience, so Patrick and/or Phil has to rescue me from babysitting duty. Both Rachel and I have friends that come over to chill and eat more of Mama Carrie's food.


	2. Misc. Headcanons (#1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are earlier headcanons we came up with that really don't have a specific category.  
> As usual, mad props to Rachel!

  * Patrick will willingly grab his acoustic guitar and sing impromptu songs for any family event whatsoever.
  * Patrick also loves to piss off Pete by playing the “Where’s the Hairbrush” song whenever Pete misplaces something.
  * Pete gets revenge every Christmas by “accidentally” putting alcohol in Trick’s eggnog and convincing him to sing.
  * Gerard tells _the best_ bedtime stories but at the same time they’re also the worst??? Because you never want to go to sleep afterwards. You want to hear more about that one time when he and his wife got kicked out of a mob-run pizza joint on their third date. You want to hear more stories.
  * After Gerard is relieved of his story-telling post, Pete and his son Bronx were put in charge of bedtime stories. And they’re usually about how a magical knight came and met a dragon and the dragon helped him win over the princess, who actually preferred being a prince, and they lived happily (and gay-ly) ever after. Because that is the kind of story that Bronx and Pete like telling.
  * To be honest, you sort of assumed Mikey would be like Andy: reserved and chill. Nope. He’s pretty damn kickass and has the wildest stories, like “that one time in Vegas” and “the Oregon trip”, and he lets you take joyrides on his motorcycle and bails you out when you guys get in trouble.
  * Mikey sort of sits on furniture awkwardly. On the couches in the living room, he always perches on the arm of the sofa like a weird cat. It used to drive Mama Carrie crazy, so nowadays Mikes is making a bit more of an effort to “sit like a normal person, _for God’s sake, Michael_ ”.
  * Another bad habit Mikey has is putting the kickstand down and sitting backwards on his motorcycle with his legs balanced on the back wheel. Pete glares at him every time he does this because “you’re gonna fall off, you asshole and you won’t even be able to complain about it”.
  * Pete and Halsey are the only people in the family who own a gun, and Halsey’s is an old pearl-handled revolver that’s a family heirloom. Pete’s gun is kept safely locked away and is only for use in times of dire emergency. Halsey’s is in a glass case in her room with three locks on it. Suffice it to say, no one in the house wants one of the kids firing a gun.
  * Dan hasn’t changed at all, meaning that at least once a week, the peace will be shattered by a shout of “serIOUSLY WHO TOOK MY SOCK” or “GUYS, HAVE YOU SEEN X THING?”
  * Usually, the members of the household will be able to keep a lid on their swearing, but occasionally Pete or Brendon will bust out the odd “what the fuck?” Whenever this happens, Mama Carrie will fucking _obliterate_ the responsible party.
  * Mama Carrie knows everyone’s full name, and will not hesitate to use it. Whenever there’s a resounding shout of something like “PETER LEWIS KINGSTON WENTZ III SO HELP ME GOD-”, complete and dead silence will fall, and, as the named person looks towards the kitchen with a look of unbridled terror on their face, you can just _hear_ Harrison whisper “Oh, shit.”




End file.
